Can't Say I Didn't Try;

**Saviour - Lights**
**[MUSIC BLOG: most of my blogs are typically written with a single influential background song that is played on repeat, so to get the full effect, play the song in the background while reading the blog.]**

First off, the music isn't really anything deep other than the fact that I saw Owl City tonight, and Lights was the opening band. Might I say, they were amazing as was Owl City. Before both bands was Paper Route too. :) All three bands were awesome live. (P.S. this was my first ever concert, i know >< )

But to move onto the blog, since it must be done, I decided on the way home from the concert. Have you ever wanted something? So bad you couldn't stand it. Ever felt like a donkey with a carrot, like there was something you could have that was so friggin' close yet you still couldn't have it. I must say the feeling is so powerful and intense, and at the same time it sucks, so much.

Ever wanted to say something, express how you feel, but seriously cannot find the right words or explanation. Like it's something that only your mind experiences and never your eyes. Those feelings we all experience that slam into the pit of your stomach; the one's that everyone else see as pathetic, and the one's that everyone else see as you just being weird, obsessive, or just plain crazy.

Those feelings that can take your stomach and flip it three-sixty. Yeahhh, they're intense, and one of the rough parts of life. It's equivalent to teething. The simple concept of a tooth breaking through your gums is definitely pain, but why do babies push toys against their gums, or why do we do it when we have our back teeth growing in? Why? Because even though it's painful, at the very same time, it feels really good.

That's the closest I can get to explaining this inner-feelings I'm speaking of. The one's that you know hurt, and the one's you just know are not going to be a good idea later, but you cease to accept that and just make it feel good at that very moment. In a way, we become selfish to ourselves if that makes any sense at all. We tend to be ignorant to the way we might feel later, and do what makes us happy at a given moment. We completely disregard how it'll affect us later. We forget we have other feelings, and become selfish to a particular moment. Paradoxical to a point. heh. ''/

With that, I had a combating view. Once again, contradicting myself, I want to discuss the feeling you get when you make the "bad choice" you regret later. Simply, it's all about; taking chances. There's a complete other side of the coin in thought when you're making a decision. You start to consider all the possible outcomes and think of things that could come out of your final decision, the one you really want to go with. And it quickly begins to motivate you and give you almost a cause for your actions or decisions. It's what we blame our benign thoughts on. We finally convince ourselves that if we don't take this "once in a lifetime chance" not only are we missing out on an amazing opportunity, but we will only regret NOT doing it later. We figure, if it turns out negatively, at least we tried. Ironically, it's that SAME attitude that gets us in trouble.

It's all about being torn, but by the cause of your own actions, thoughts, and decisions.

I guess it's part of living, part of growing, part of learning;

;part of life.

Let's Disappear Together

**Meditation**
**[MUSIC BLOG: most of my blogs are typically written with a single influential background song that is played on repeat, so to get the full effect, play the song in the background while reading the blog.]**

There's a difference between emo and meditation.

Emo, deriving from the term "emotional" focuses primarily on thinking bad thoughts and likely death. The word emo in today's culture has adapted a social connotation of one who is negative, suicidal, and down right disliked for their dark views on life.

Conversely, meditation is the general term for "deep thinking," at least to my connotation. It's the same exchange of thinking deep (both good and bad) about life and reflecting on it. From evidence of this blog, I'm what I guess I would call meditating and blogging at the same time, so here it goes.

Deep forests, and blue oceans, and miles and miles of flowers and grass and beautiful landscapes. It's what you see in movies, and in pictures, and if you're lucky, in real life. It's such a different feeling when you appreciate things like that. But what I'm focusing on is the false hope that they ensue. The great feeling of joy and a sense of beauty you get when you look at something beautiful or breathtaking is so fake, it's making my head spin.

Deep down, in everything beautiful is error. Somewhere, someplace, there's something wrong that totally throws off all judgment that you ever had on it. Whether it be a person, place, or thing that you consider beautiful, there's always something that destroys that innocent beauty you have withheld in your mind. Those miles upon miles of ocean water rested under the setting sun may be breathtaking, but that water could swallow up and destroy more lives than you can imagine. The creatures that embark it's waters destroy other creatures. While on the surface, it's beautiful, deep down, there are flaws - there's life.

We try to focus on the good times, and we try to focus on the beautiful things in life, but we remember, all beauty has it's limits, and all good things come to an end.

Life brings along these flaws. For every good moment, there's ten thousand bad ones. And we're told everyday, that the bad one's make us who we are, and they make us stronger. But let's face it, they suck!

My favorite quote, hands down, comes from an amazing film titled "Pay It Forward." The quote is simply:

"Life is shit."

Makes sense, huh? I'd like to think so. There are just so many negative and horrible things in this world that it make you wonder why endure and struggle? And the only real answer we can ever begin to muster is that we live for the good moments. Well, I have experienced my fair share of good moments, some more powerful than others, and for the most part, they're worth it.

We all have goals. And we all have dreams. It's a matter of getting to them, and achieving them. Those images and pictures, and scenes I mentioned earlier seem like the perfect escape; and sometimes they are. Just thinking about standing upon a mountain top stretched miles and miles across the open air with the rising sun sounds so relaxing, but what if it's the very same mountain top you're stranded on, and have been for weeks. That same beauty, now becomes a nightmare. This pretty much coincides and can be applied to many things in life. Life is beautiful in and of itself, but it can also be hell at the same time. I guess that's where our emos and meditators act.

Keeping the scatterbrained theme going, we're also told to live life on the edge. "Live like we're dying" sings Kris Allen. It's that same attitude that ends our lives too. So contradicting, but such a rush at the very same time. We're asked to take risks, but reprimanded when we screw up, or get really unlucky. Life, is nothing but one big risk. You've got a million and one decisions to make that could alter your life every moment you decide, and every decision is another risk. Sometimes, our decisions get the best of us, and we make the wrong ones, again and again. This is usually when we just want to disappear.

Let's disappear together. We can run, run into the woods, and the mountain tops, and the oceans, and get away from it all. What good will that do us? Mentally, it can be alleviating, but physically, and in today's world, it can put you in some really bad situations. But then again, I guess it really is all about what you put your mind to. We accomplish what we want to, or better yet, can do. It's just really amazing how this life works. This same life that we all experience, but in different eyes, and different relations, and different thoughts, and different smells. It's like as we all know it, personally and individually. Sometimes, we think about ending it, we think about having someone else end it for us. Sometimes we think about life without us, life without ever meeting us, life without our existence ever forthcoming. Sometimes, we think about life without us.

Most of the time, we just want to disappear. So I end with this, and this I say:

let's disappear together.

The Need To Be Needed

**She is Love - Parachute**
**[MUSIC BLOG: most of my blogs are typically written with a single influential background song that is played on repeat, so to get the full effect, play the song in the background while reading the blog.]**

Ever just wanted to be wanted?

Everyone grows up, but never the same.
We all have a story, and we all want to be heard.

Growing up is possibly one of the hardest things to endure in life, and it's funny because it's usually associated with being a child, but in my opinion, it's a life-long process. That is, there's always room for more maturity, there's always room for more growth, and there's always room to learn something new. Therefore, isn't growing up basically living?

This world and the people in it can do a pretty damned good job making it harder for others, but luckily this life works in balance and there are people equally comparable who make up for those who tear it down.

More on topic though, being wanted...
It's something we all want. You can be the coldest person around, with the nastiest attitude, yet deep down it's in human nature to be wanted and loved. Some are more lucky than others, but there's no real measurement for how lucky someone can be. We just want to belong, and we typically don't care how we get that feeling, to an extent.

It's amazing what people will accomplish or endure to get what they want. Especially as powerful as a feeling of being wanted.