Thanks For Waiting Until the Morning.

**Glitter in the Air - Pink**
**[MUSIC BLOG: most of my blogs are typically written with a single influential background song that is played on repeat, so to get the full effect, play the song in the background while reading the blog.]**

You know, I've been fortunate enough to never have seen a dead human body. However, this morning, I got to experience the touch, feel, and emotional presence of lifeless dog.

Coming down this morning to my very sick family dog (13 years old), I walked past him on my way to the bathroom. His breathing was heavier then ever. By the time I was done in the bathroom, my mother was already sitting with him on the floor. We began to discuss plans to take off of school and work to take him to the vet. It was already 6:15am, so with that, I went upstairs to throw some clothes on. Meanwhile, my father began to help my mom with the dog, and they helped him towards the door to go out for the morning. He made it to the door, and stopped. I just slipped my shoes on when I heard my mother scream out "ZAR! I think something's wrong!"

I ran down the stairs mentally preparing myself within those 2 seconds. At the bottom of the stairs by the door, my weak yellow-haired furry friend of 13 years lay. With my mother standing above demanding whether he's breathing or not, and my father at his side lifting his head screaming out his name, I keeled, frozen, motionless, thoughtless. I sat there is awe. I quickly leaned down and hugged him. When I began to smell feces, I looked up at my father. I watched him lose every sense of stability. My dad shrieked in emotional pain!

I've only ever seen my dad cry twice, and quite frankly, it's a horrible sight since he's (in my mindset) my protection. My dog wasn't just a family member, but my dad's best friend. And when my dad attempted to pick my dog up one last time and his head drooped and his tongue rolled out of his mouth, my father grabbed hold of our dog, and didn't let go for 15 minutes. As the whole family stood around my dog at 6:20am this morning, we knew it was finally over. My dog was finally pain-free and could rest. But we also knew that his physical existence in our household was in the past.

You'd be surprised if you didn't know how people handle animal deaths. It's very much like a human death. We had to cover him up, because it was hard enough while my mother attempted to contact some animal clinic for cremation, and the process. Eventually we put him in the car, and drove him off. When the 2 nurses came out and put him on an animal stretcher, and his body lay there lifeless, it hit me. My mother broke down in the parking lot. My father stood speechless staring at his best friend.

The day was particular. The chilled air, was cold, cold enough to make you complain if it was a normal day. But the temperature didn't matter. I could have been standing there in shorts and a t-shirt, and it wouldn't have made the difference. All I was concerned with was that one of my family members was gone. And to sit there and watch his lifeless body wheeled away was enough to push me.

You never think how hard the simple things become, like cleaning up his bed, blankets, toys, water and food, and everything else that he made use of during his life.

My cat (Riley) knows. She has been with him the last 3 weeks every night sleeping on his bed with him downstairs. When I came home, she immediately returned to my lap, something she hasn't done for weeks now. She's been in my room since I've been home, and she's just staring into space.

I think I could mentally be okay with all of this, mainly because I know he is no longer suffering, except for the visuals. I feel like it's going to be impossible to forget today, and all of its events. The mental images I have are forever embedded. I guess you can say I was lucky that it wasn't too graphic, and that he lived a long fruitful life. But one thing's for sure:

I miss my brother.



Rest In Peace
Zar Murphy

11.22.1996-02.01.2010